Just Me, Myself and I

I've been out since I was 18, and in the last 6 years, I've never been in a relationship with a guy. I mean I've dated guys but nothing ever advances from there. We chat, we go out, we get close and then nothing. I mean we just lose contact. I've always put to much pressure on myself when dating guys because I've always wanted a relationship. In university the first year was just me having fun etc, then came the second year of university when everyone was settling down into couples, I always felt that I was missing out on something.

I carried on going from date to date and nothing ever progressed further. I mean for god sake on one date a guy actually said I was too fat to go out with. Every time a date went wrong I would blame myself, blame the way I looked, the way I spoke and the way I acted.

Over the 6 years, I always thought there was something wrong with me. I'd always ask myself why can everyone else around me find someone but not me? Why am I the one who is alone? Why am I always the third wheel?

Then last year something changed. I decided to live on my own and go get my own place. For the first time in my life I was truly alone, at first it didn't feel right and I thought that finding a boyfriend would make that better. Guess what? It didn't at all. I never found anyone to be in a relationship with. Over this last year I have learnt a lot about myself, I've learnt that you can only truly depend on yourself, I've learnt to only make effort with those who do the same, I've learnt who my real friends are and I've learnt that it's okay for me to be on my own.

I've recently been on a few dates these last few months and they have been some of the worst dates I've had. I've finally realised that I've been on my own for some time now and I actually like my own space, I like the fact I can come home and just shut down from the rest of the world, no pressure to be replying to someone, no pressure to put on a smile for someone when feeling like crap and just enjoying time on my own. I've actually realised that it's going to take someone pretty special to break through the wall I seem to have built over the last year.

What I am saying is that, stop putting pressure on yourself to get the right job, to get the right relationship, to get a perfect life. Because you know that there's no such thing, as long as you are happy within yourself and you aren't hurting anyone then who cares. Take the time to be alone, because in the blink of an eye it's gone.