Insecurities

Let’s face it we all have them and some of us are more vocal about them than others. Me personally I have my insecurities about my body. It’s not just girls that have them men have them too. As a male I feel the pressure to be a particular way. Watching things like movies, porn or Instagram. I find myself looking at others wishing I was more like them. I keep wishing I had a six pack or I wish I had the v lines. My friends must get fed up of me because all I go on about is how fat I feel or how fat I look. I try and shake these insecurities but I just can’t not matter how I much I try I can’t help it.

I go on dates and all I think is can he see my stomach, does he think I’m too fat, am I his type? I come across as confident to my friends and family but secretly I’m constantly picking flaws. Ever since my first ever date when I came out a guy said he thought I had a nice personality just too fat too date. Like beg your pardon please? Ever since then I’m forever trying to improve my body image. Those words have forever been playing on my mind.

My self-doubt gets worse after I’ve been speaking to a guy for a while and then we meet up, he stops over a few times and then contact is gone. I try and keep my head from running away with itself but I find it hard. I find it hard to open up to someone because of these insecurities.

It’s not just the way my body looks but I have insecurities about my skin, my hair, teeth, the way I talk or the way I dress. Honestly I think we all have insecurities. In the words of RuPaul “If You Can't Love Yourself, How the Hell Are You Going to Love Somebody Else?”

I always think to myself why am I single? And after all this time I feel like it’s because I have to be happy within myself and learn to love myself before I meet a guy.

I suppose what I’m trying to say it’s okay to have insecurities, we all have them whether you think you are too fat, too skinny, too many spots, boobs aren’t big enough, haven’t got a six pack or going grey. Try and learn to love yourself a little more each and every day. Try and not let the past affect your life. I’m trying my best and that’s all any of us can do.